Feeling Broken?

Ever since I was 14 I've been to familiar with the feeling of worthlessness and brokenness.

I was in a very abusive relationship when I was a freshman and I was sexually assaulted at 15. It was the hardest thing I had ever been through. It left me feeling very worthless and gross. What had happened to me lead me to make other decisions that showed little to no respect for myself and my body. Those decisions later led to guilt and a feeling of disgust as well. 

So, what about you? Do you know what its like to feel worthless, not good enough, not pretty, and not lovable?

I started reading this book called Embracing the Broken by Tiffany Webster. It is amazing! I thought I would share what I thought on each chapter as I go! If you are interested in purchasing one for yourself click here! 

Part One: The Chains of Perfection

Chapter one: Perfection is Born

In this chapter she talks about a story where she just couldn't get her multiplication tables right when she was a child and how hard she tried and how much she wanted to be like everyone else; even better than everyone else. Oh boy oh boy can I relate to that feeling!! In middle school I was in band and I so badly wanted to be as good as everyone else. The best actually! I know what it feels like to feel like nothing you do can ever compare. It even transitioned into my marriage, the constant need to be perfect and make everything perfect. This perfectionism mindset can really ruin yourself and others. I know it can make things hard on Michael that's for sure!

"I'm passionate and stubborn, but my heart is tender." If this isn't me I don't know what is! I can be so passionate about things like my marriage, my hobbies, my family, and my goals but I can also be soooo stubborn. Stubbornness is a form of pride in my opinion you have to be able to let go of your pride and your ways to make life or any relationship work. (especially a marriage)  She also says that she believes we are born with certain attributes and that I can agree with. My little niece Riley is the sassiest, sweetest, funniest kid I have ever met for such a young age. 

What do you think, do you think you were born with certain attributes? 

I know I was born strong headed, stubborn, feisty, and maybe even a little sassy. (maybe lol). Although, I know I wasn't born insecure, with trust issues, and so hard on myself. Those I learned from Satan, those are things Heavenly Father can help us with. 

Tiffany tells a story of how she struggled with eating too much and how she lied to her mom about hiding candy wrappers, and she asked for forgiveness a ton of years later! I totally can relate to her here as well! I know for sure many of us(if not all of us) knows what it feels like to hold on to a secret and feel guilty. We all know what its like to feel ashamed of something we struggle with. I know it was hard for me to stop my eating disorder issues or my negative self destructive thoughts. It took a lot of therapy and support, and there is nothing wrong with help!

She goes on to tell a few more embarrassing stories, and I know we have all had some of those! I found I don't get embarrassed to often because I am always to busy laughing at myself, or on the other end to busy in my head overthinking...(which isn't good either).

When she goes on to mention her relationship with fear and how fear is very center in her life I too have felt that way. I struggle with major anxiety and it always ties back to fear.
For example, I'm scared of being left alone by someone I love, being stranded, being hurt, and being used.

I like when she says "Fear is everything that God's not" that has helped me in moments of anxiety to know and remember the things I'm worrying about are of Satan. 

Push past those negative thoughts! 

Ephesians 6:12 - For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 

That verse is so powerful, and she mentions that it isn't about us fighting each other or even ourselves but Satan. She is right he knows us and he knows how to hit us where it hurts. 

I think she does a very great job at reminding us that it isn't always drugs and alcohol that get us to fall it can be low self esteem, a toxic relationship, or even the friends we have.  

So be careful! Stand guard! Always have your armor on and be steadfast! Lately the things that help me fight off negative thoughts and habits best is reading scriptures everyday, listening to worship music on the drive to work, praying daily, getting blessings, and obeying the word of wisdom! 

I hope this is encouraging and not just me blabbering lol!

xoxo 

Madison Landry