Jean Machine

Yup that's true! Do you know how many weird looks I get from my non-member friends for being married, or not drinking and partying like I used to? I think I forget how shocking it is to everyone I was friends with about 13 months ago for me to be married, Mormon, and sober. Although, I'd like to think its a good shocking and a good example for my old friends, I know it was a drastic change.. Life is much different then it used to be and I am starting to see that it is very apparent to others as well. In December 2016 (pretty much June 2015-Dec 2016) I was drinking and smoking hookah and not respecting myself at all, and then a few weeks later in January I started taking the missionary lessons. I completely gave up all my bad habits, friends, and clothes. It shocked quite a few people, and a lot of people thought it was a joke and made bets on how long it would last. I knew in my heart I was changed. I took the lessons, got baptized, and then shortly after got called a...

Ever since I was 14 I've been to familiar with the feeling of worthlessness and brokenness. I was in a very abusive relationship when I was a freshman and I was sexually assaulted at 15. It was the hardest thing I had ever been through. It left me feeling very worthless and gross. What had happened to me lead me to make other decisions that showed little to no respect for myself and my body. Those decisions later led to guilt and a feeling of disgust as well.  So, what about you? Do you know what its like to feel worthless, not good enough, not pretty, and not lovable? I started reading this book called Embracing the Broken  by Tiffany Webster. It is amazing! I thought I would share what I thought on each chapter as I go! If you are interested in purchasing one for yourself click here!   Part One: The Chains of Perfection Chapter one: Perfection is Born In this chapter she talks about a story where she just couldn't get her multiplication tables righ...

2018 is Here! This month is the kick off of restarting my blog & also adding a vlog and some Youtube videos! 2017 Was full of great firsts and many challenges. In February I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and that was the best decision I have EVER made. I also started EMT school in February which was also super awesome! In May I started working at my current job which is a receptionist at a veterinarian office. In June I finished EMT school and started dating Michael Landry (my husband). In August I married my best friend and my better half! I know I know it's crazy we only dated for like 3 months max and only knew each other for seven months. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways! In September I had my first miscarriage with Michael, and it was devastating. At the time I wasn't even sure I was pregnant but it was definitely hard on us for our first month of marriage. We had our second miscarriage in November which was when we decid...

Ever feel alone?  Unworthy of Heavenly Father's love and grace? Worthless? Because I have.  That day when work seems like it will never end  That relationship you want more than anything fades and just doesn't work  When you can't find one thing you like about yourself  When everyone seems to be against you  Well here's a secret.... In the midst of that is the presence of Heavenly Fathers love and endless grace! All those things that consume your thoughts and seem so crucial and important  You are that to Your father in Heaven  You consume his thoughts and love you are important and worth so much  You are his CHILD  I have recently learned that when you prepare yourself the work Christ does through you is amazing and the work he does in you is even more amazing.  Christ has entered my heart as well as my mind. I find myself basing everything thoughts and actions on his love and plan fo...

Update on my conversion!   These past two weeks have been such a journey and an amazing adventure! I have learned so much and grown so much spiritually and emotionally!   I am officially a member of the church now and it is such a blessing!!   The days leading up to my baptism were filled with such love, encouragement, and excitement.   I learned through prayer, scriptures, and firesides the true love Heavenly Father has for me.   The day of my baptism I felt excited and alive for the first time in FOREVER. As I was surrounded by wonderful friends, family, and the missionaries I felt at HOME spiritually.   It was such a blessing to have the Neese family at my baptism and conformation and to have Jeff baptize me. This is truly   an experience I will never forget.   As I went under the water it felt as if I could see myself being submerged watching the light fade as I went under, which wasn't possible because my eyes were ...

What a drastic turn my life has taken in just THREE short weeks! And let me begin and state the obvious, Yes I have tattoos and I have lived a life apart from following Jesus Christ and I am aware of my mistakes and I have repented full heartedly and I vowed to keep the commandments of the Lord. I realize with all my heart every day that tattoos are outward scars of my unique journey to the Lord. We all have made mistakes and been sinful just my past mistakes are outwardly evident. I know through repentance my sins are forgiven and forgotten, just for me personally my tattoos are signs and scars of the path that led me to Heavenly Father. Like my favorite blogger stated: "God does not see any of my tattoos. To him they are completely gone." Just like everyone else who sins God does not see them once we change, repent, try, and turn to him. - Al Carraway Although, I believe it all began in third grade when I met my sweet best friend Ashlyn, and I may not of known it ...